See that? That’ll be your face after all this..
The longer the Harry Potter series is around, the more time we see that things at Hogwarts are straight-up insane.
1. Animals here are sentient, intelligent creatures we can talk with but we treat them like… plain, stupid animals.
2. There is no screening process for Hogwarts teachers.
I mean, there were werewolves. Killers. Soldiers of Voldemort. Crazy Voldemort sympathizers! Who does the background checks?
3. Love potions AKA roofies are okay in this universe.
Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes store sells the stuff legally…
The Marauders Map exposes some sexy times at Hogwarts…
4. The creatures “protecting” Hogwarts are pretty much a collection of murder lawsuits waiting to happen.
I mean ignoring murderous teachers, you could still be crushed by a troll, ripped apart by a three-headed dog, or eaten by a giant spider — all things that the school owns…
5. Everyone is stupid because a wizard education isn’t a real one.
Math? Science? They know none of it.
6. Entire professions are given to just one race.
I mean, the entire banking system is run by one race: Goblins. What kinda racist-ass ish is this?
7. The paintings are alive and trap a person’s soul in them. Forever.
If anyone uses magic to paint a picture of a dead person or enchants a painting, it gains their memories and imprints their personality onto the canvas.
And we haven’t even talked about the sex-change juice…
8. Everyone is cool with slavery.
Think about it. No one tells the Malfoys that treating a house-elf like Dobby isn’t cool.
9. Job prospects suck. There are like 50 Wizardry jobs in the world. That’s it.
Even Harry, the chosen one, who destroyed the Dark Lord said (reluctantly) that he might become an Auror which is basically a glorified cop.
10. Polyjuice potion switches your genitalia.
With just one hair, the juice allows drinkers to take the physical form of that person. Cool, right? Wrong. That means face, body and presumably menstrual cycles…
Then there was the time that a magic map showed two people clearly having sex in a classroom…
11. There is a map that invades the privacy of everyone in Hogwarts.
The Marauders map can tell where everyone on campus is – whatever they’re doing. These two students got caught “riding the broomstick”… (That is a real GIF from the movie)
12. Children have access to murder-prone superpowers.
Dumbledore: “No, no, hear me out – we’ll teach the moody, angry kid some spells that can hurt people.”
13. Dumbledore kept Harry alive as bait for the murderous Voldemort. So he’s kind of a sociopath.
I feel like he says the “ends justify the means” a lot.